“Although my anger did not disappear immediately, for the first time I had a sense that all the pain in my life was in some way the result of my own actions and not those of other people.” …Voices of the Fellowship: Our Recovery, “Returning to a Professional Career” When I came into CMA, I … Continue reading “Anger”
“I needed to stop spending so much time in the low-self-esteem room!” —To the Newcomer. There are so many problems we face when we get sober. We’re dealing with the wreckage of our past: trying to mend our relationships and finances, dealing with health and legal issues, and recovering from an insane lifestyle. It can … Continue reading “Putting Our Sobriety First”
“I needed to stop spending so much time in the low-self-esteem room!” —Heard in CMA. I’d been sober for several years, going to meetings and doing my Steps, but I still didn’t really like myself. I still had those negative voices in my head telling me I sucked. I really thought this was going to … Continue reading “Building Self-Esteem”
“When I look back on the journey this far, I honestly can’t explain what happened. Something out there had my back—call it a power greater than myself, call it whatever you want.” – A Sober Cell: From the Inside Looking Out, “A Lone Wolf” When we first come into recovery, we’re often fleeing a proverbial … Continue reading “Recovery’s Rearview Mirror”
“The longer we stick around, the less we know.” —Heard in the rooms. Addiction is a deep groove. It’s tough to break patterns when we’ve spent years doing the same thing again and again. Before we even found drugs, many of us were already locked into old stories about who we are or what we’re … Continue reading “A New Experience”
“Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings” –Step 7 Many of us use Step 7 to beat ourselves up. When we fall back into familiar patterns of behavior, we say to ourselves, “Why can’t I stop doing this? Why am I still acting out this way?”Our sponsors compassionately reply: “Because you’re human.” These questions assume … Continue reading “We’re Only Human”
“My trust in people and, more importantly, in myself has been restored over time.” —Sponsorship, More than Just Friendship – Voices of the Fellowship: Our Recovery Trust was a foreign concept in my active addiction. Everyone in every situation seemed to be unreliable. I couldn’t count on the people I used with, I couldn’t trust … Continue reading “Building Trust”
“Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.” —Step Seven of the Twelve Steps For many of us, using crystal meth was the ultimate form of entitlement. We demanded to feel good all the time. Unable to tolerate any form of discomfort—physical, emotional, or spiritual—we rejected life on life’s terms. Instead, we chased a euphoric high. … Continue reading “Letting Go of Entitlement”
“Be still and know that I am God.” —Heard in the rooms. When I first arrived in CMA, I didn’t see myself reflected back at me. As a black trans femme, I felt alone, unsure about how I would fit in. Would recovery even work for me? I was scared of the whole process, but … Continue reading “A Brand-New Me”
“In CMA, we may be the last house on the block, but the light is always on, and the door is always open.” —Heard in the rooms. We crawled into the rooms of CMA, feeling like we had worn out our welcome. We lost the trust of our family and friends. We used up all … Continue reading “Welcome Home”
“Crystal Meth is not the problem, I’m the problem!” —Heard in meetings. We all know crystal meth is a powerful drug—when we met Tina, a lot of us were hooked at once. We were no match for it. Everything seemed fine “B.C.” (before crystal) and it all fell apart “A.C.” (after crystal). If only we … Continue reading “What Is the Problem?”
“Wear your recovery like a loose garment.” —Heard in the rooms I missed my meeting today—there goes my 90 in 90! I’m only on Step 2! I forgot to send my gratitude list! Does this sound familiar? We addicts can be so hard on ourselves, especially in our early recovery. It’s like we’re punishing ourselves … Continue reading “Nice Caftan!”
“Jealousy is the reflection of my own dissatisfaction” -Heard in the rooms. When we are jealous of others in the rooms of CMA, we risk turning recovery into a competition. When we hear about someone getting that job, that house, or that relationship maybe we wonder why they are getting those things before us. As … Continue reading “Jealousy and Envy”
“You spot it, you got it.” — Heard in the rooms One of the challenges in early recovery is dealing with difficult people. Some addicts are annoying or loud, or play the victim. They’re certainly not working their program the way we think they should. They hold the meeting hostage by ignoring the timekeeper. They … Continue reading “Tormentor / Teacher”
“Don’t pick up no matter what.” -Twelve Step wisdom. This suggestion bothered some of us at first. After all, “just say no to drugs” didn’t work all that well. But “don’t pick up no matter what” is so much more than saying no. It reminds me that, no matter what happens, drugs are not the … Continue reading ““No matter what.””
“We become an unconditional friend to ourselves. We get a simple and direct relationship with the way we are.” -What About Meditation? (CMA Pamphlet) In the rooms of CMA we learn to treat ourselves with the same kindness we show to other recovering addicts. Slowly we begin to internalize the love and acceptance we receive … Continue reading “Unconditional Friend”
“In all things, I need to remember to be gentle on myself but hard on my disease.” -CMA Member. Striving to maintain our sobriety can sometimes feel like a fight against our very selves. We can be so serious about getting to meetings and searching through our motives and intentions, it can feel like we … Continue reading “Being Gentle on Ourselves”
We try to live in the moment. Yesterday’s problems are yesterday’s affairs, and tomorrow’s surprises can wait until tomorrow. -Sober Toolkit. It is OK to begin your recovery from crystal meth addiction at the beginning–in this moment. You can’t have a different past but this moment is yours to create and the things you do … Continue reading “Beginning Right Where You Are”