I was sexualized at a very young age. At the age of four I was repeatedly molested. I believe that really set me up for a bad situation with sex. Then, I was sexually assaulted as … Continue reading “Getting to Me”
I remember being about 12 years old and going to Catholic mass, taking Communion, and keeping the wafer in my mouth so that I could spit it out when I left church. You see, I had … Continue reading “Twelve Stepped at the Bathhouse “
I’m very grateful to be clean today through CMA and other fellowships. My story is no different from anyone else’s, in that when I first came into recovery I wasn’t ready to give up the pain. … Continue reading “No Matter What!”
I was raised in a strict, conservative Mormon household. Every Sunday I went to church. Mondays through Fridays I would wake up at 5:30 am before high school to study the Bible with my friends. The … Continue reading “Sex for Validation “
I am completely estranged from my family. Throughout my journey with addiction and recovery, I struggled to navigate my feelings about this. I wished for my emotions toward them to be clear-cut: either I love them … Continue reading “Freedom Through Forgiveness”
I grew up in a large Scots-Irish family. My best friends were my cousins, and my mom’s youngest sister, who was ten years older than me. She lived with us when I was little and helped … Continue reading “A Letter from Mom”
I was a happy, happy boy. That’s all I knew. I had two parents who loved me, and two older, doting brothers who treated me like their prized possession. We lived in the suburbs for most … Continue reading “Mama’s Boy”
I didn’t think I’d ever be able to stop. I’d tried for 17 years and failed over and over and over. I could stop now and then, but I couldn’t stay stopped. I went to meetings, … Continue reading “Reframing My Recovery”
Family used to be a big deal for me when I was little. I loved visiting my brother and telling strangers that my cousin was my sister; we were as close as sisters anyway. But from … Continue reading “Family in the Fellowship”
I came into CMA very much against my will after nearly 10 years of daily crystal meth use and living a life of insanity. Using had been really fun at first, but it soon became a … Continue reading “Honey, It’s Not Gonna Fall Off!”
Life was a wonderful place, or so I felt as a child. Looking back on it with healthy, adult eyes, it truly was not a healthy place. Life felt wonderful because I spent most of my … Continue reading “Life Was a Wonderful Place”
I didn’t know it then, when my room was being searched for drugs, but that event–my attempted jump out of a high-rise Casino window and being stopped by a battery of police and fire personnel–would be … Continue reading “You Can’t Help Anyone Else If You Can’t Help Yourself”
“I wish I had never adopted you!” “I don’t love you!” “You make me want to kill myself!” These words made up a constant refrain that defined who I believed I was for most of my … Continue reading “A Family of My Own Understanding”
I’ve never lived in a gray area when I used or drank. Some people can say that they didn’t know that they were addicts or alcoholics, but I knew. At the age of 13, I had … Continue reading “God Answered My Request”
A Daughter’s Experience Sitting here on a Saturday afternoon with my mom, drinking coffee and reminiscing about our journey through addiction and recovery. As mother and daughter we feel we have a unique perspective on addiction. … Continue reading “A Mother and Daughter’s Perspective”
The topic of family has always been a sore subject. It was an especially difficult one to discuss early on in recovery. There are a lot of deeply rooted issues stemming from my childhood and young … Continue reading “We’ll Love You, Until You Learn to Love Yourself”
Alright, long time ago (probably in 1980 I would say) there was a discussion about the fact that we could not talk about drugs. And so many of us, we were drug addicts and alcoholics, but … Continue reading “Alright, Long Time Ago”